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The Irony of a Painful Healing Process

The Irony of a Painful Healing Process

What I am about to share today, is from my own experiences.

My healing process has been painful. Why? Because it requires me to go back to what has hurt me. It makes me feel the anguish and frustration, that my bad experiences has brought, all over again.

I do not expect people to understand. Most especially those that have not experienced abuse in their lives. Most especially those who has not seen the pain of physical and verbal torment through a child’s eyes. You will never understand if you did not grow up living it day by day. And God bless you for having a wonderful childhood. I sincerely mean that. I will certainly never wish an abusive home on anyone.

Dear Parents, if it is possible not to let your children witness your verbal spats and physical outbursts with each other, please spare them. You cannot expect a child to just accept things and behave like adults while you act like children. And for couples, before you decide to bring up a family of your own, at least be ready for good parenting.

I don’t believe in perfect parenting, there is no such thing.

Most especially if you became one at such an early age. It must have been tough. And yeah, the sleepless nights. And postpartum depression, for some. I can’t even imagine myself as a parent. Thanking God that I never got pregnant up to now. I am honestly not sure if I am ready, or capable of being a parent myself. I’d rather not be one if I am unsure.

I will not go into details. I don’t want to hurt my family. And I’ve forgiven them already. But I’ve learned to be strong at such an early age. To rely on myself and to do whatever is necessary to make my life worthwhile. I thought I was okay, all those years. I had a very happy teenage and college life. Even a few years after that. I partied and laughed so much. I had a good run.

However, there’s the conscious and there is the subconscious.

And once life gets really tough on you, all of the fears and traumas will haunt you. And any similar situation or feeling will make you act up. It took me a while to recognize my reactions. I did not see the pattern right away. Because I thought I was okay, and had a great coping mechanism.

Again, this is not a generalization. This is my own account.

This is not your usual inspirational and positive talk.

This is me saying that I am not always okay. I am not always strong. Not always logical. I am not always on top of my game. And there are times that I question my existence and that I also want to give up on life in general.

What I am grateful about is that, those feelings and thoughts are momentary. They have got to be. Some fights, or most battles in life, we have to do on our own. A test of faith, a test of strength, a test of character. We sometimes fight with our own thoughts, own feelings, own anxiety, own sadness, and own demons. Just keep fighting, even if it gets exhausting. Cleanse your heart by crying your eyes out. Let your tears wash away every hurt, pain, worry, and suffering.

My healing process has taught me how to pray harder.

I have been angry at God. I have already asked Him, why me? How I wish I was like Job, who can accept every good and bad experience with grace. Yes, I even fight with God at times. There has been times that I felt so alone, because even He is not talking to me. There were times that I couldn’t feel His presence. And those were the darkest times of my life.

God talked to me today and has given me the following messages:

  1. Pray with humility. He has broken me down to the core, because an independent person like me can have pride as my greatest sin. It’s the very thing that I hold on to, because I have always believed that it is what makes me strong.
  2. That He is fighting with me, even on those days that I can’t feel or hear Him. And that I should never stop calling unto Him. Those are the times that I’ll be needing Him the most.
  3. That my struggles here on Earth are part of the life that I am living. He wants me to look forward to a better world after this life. As of now, I am not ready to go yet. I have a lot of cleansing to do with my soul first.
  4. And He wants me to pray for any or all reasons. Pray when I am happy. Pray whenever I am sad. Pray when I am hurt. Pray when I have hurt somebody else. Pray when I need healing. Pray when I am blessed. Pray when I am struggling. Pray in victory. Pray in failure. Pray every day.

The answer to a painful healing process, is a prayerful life.

Prayer is my reflection. Prayer is my counsel. Prayer is my retreat. Prayer is my cleansing. And prayer is my daily meditation.

Today, I send my healing prayers for every one. Whatever it is that you are going through. Also, please allow me to pray for you. You may leave a prayer request on the comment section below.

Note: I am not painting myself as perfect, holy, and pure. I am still a sinner, and I am still struggling with my real weaknesses as a person. Praying that I’ll be able to fight off every unholy and impure thoughts and actions against myself and against anyone else.

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34 thoughts on “The Irony of a Painful Healing Process

    • Indeed, life is a journey. Whatever life has thrown on us, is part of the grand scheme of things. Lets pray and keep moving.

    • It is a touching post. Definitely, healing and recovering from a painful experience raises a whole myriad of emotions. Great post.

    • Healing is difficult and I couldnt imagine trying to heal my own trauma while actively preventing it passing to my children. I have nothing but respect for people who are making the effort to heal themselves.

      • That, too. Like a generational curse. Somebody has to stand in the gap and end it before runs in the entire family tree.Thanks for bringing this into light.

    • What I learned from my past experiences was to pray harder not only during my happiest days but most especially during my most darkest days.

    • I think that prayer plays a huge role in healing. It’s not the only part of it for sure, but it is a key part.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think it’s so important that we have more conversation about the healing process and the things that cause that need for healing.

    • I didn’t have to endure the pain of abuse, but I know those who have. They need all the encouragement they can get to forgive and move on, and it isn’t always easy

    • We never know what is going to happen to us in life. However, I’m a true believer that everything makes us who we are. Not because of what happened, but what we did to deal with the situations.

    • oh wow, what a story!!! You’re strong and resilient…Very inspiring, thank you so much…

    • Thanks for sharing your story with us and you are a brave and inspiring woman. Healing is never an easy journey but we will all get through it someday, one way or another.

    • I am sorry to hear about your pain but I am happy to hear about your healing. Life is so hard and comes with so many twists and turns. I think prayer is a great way for you to practice healing. Sending prayers and healing thoughts to you!

    • I like to seek support when I need to heal from something difficult. I’m a talk it out kind of person. I also need time to sit with my feelings, think things through and gain a better understanding of where the pain is truly coming from (I find journaling and meditating help a lot in this area). I’m glad you’re found something that helps you so much 🙂

    • My heart goes out to you and reading this did bring a tear. Yes, life is indeed challenging throwing many things along our way but I am very glad that you found strength in prayer. Prayer is a great way to heal and sending thoughts and hugs your way.

    • I often say, –“take all the time you need when healing”. You sharing your story shows that you are strong, and you will help people through their journey of healing as well. Thank you for sharing your story with us all.

    • It was very interesting to read. Each of us faces challenges, problems, pain, abuse differently… and for each of us, the healing process is different. Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts.
      Nina

    • It’s not easy to share something personal, especially it’s out of a painful experience. I think what you have been through was difficult, and hopefully you will be healed very soon. – knycx Journeying

    • Never forgot that we are always learning. And that every day is a different day. There isn’t a perfect person or parent, but there is an improving and changing one.

    • You have clearly been through and learned a lot. Thank you for sharing your lessons here on your platform. Bless you xx

    • Healing can be painful and difficult. I can imagine you reliving everything you’ve gone through all over again, but we cannot heal completely if we do not go through all the painful process. We try to stay afloat, until the time that we can let go of everything that has hurt us the most. You are strong, and all these will only make you stronger. I’m sorry that you have to go through a painful childhood. No child deserves that.

    • Cannot agree more. Going through a healing process can be extremely hard and painful – but no pain, no gain. It’s better working through it than keeping it inside like some poison.

    • Continue to be optimistic! You can do this! Healing can take some time but you need it for your mental health.

    • Painful healing is definitely what I am doing now. I am reliving all those moments in my life that defined me and made me who I am today.

    • Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I know that can be difficult. I know you will continue your journey of healing and I know you have all the strength you need!

      • I’m sorry about what you had to witness at a young age but I’m glad that you’ve been able to realize the issues you have quickly enough and you’re intentionally doing something about it. And most importantly, it’s great to know that you have and are talking to God about it.. Stay strong.

    • Aaahhhh…it’s nice to know that prayer works well for you. Personally, it’s listening to reggae music that gets the entire process lighter!

    • Great thing you are doing it all with God. He will be with us in the process and will be guiding you. well done

    • It’s true prayers do have a great healing and glad that you find your peace in it , Thanks for sharing your story and wish you all the best .

    • So sorry that you had to witness and/or experience abuse as a child and I really hope that holding on to God will bring you through your healing process successfully.

    • I am so sorry that this pain has been part of your journey, but I am very glad to hear that you have found something that is helping guide your healing process x

    • I am sorry it happened to you, nobody should go through this. Thank you for sharing your healing process, it means a lot. you are not alone

    • It’s all a journey. The ups, the downs, the lows the highs. Nobody is positive all the time, we all have baggage from this journey through life. We just have to learn how to lighten the load along the way.

    • This is so brave of you to share this. Thank you for being vulnerable and for letting us know that being vulnerable is okay and that it is normal that we are not okay all the time. Thank you for sharing to us your healing process.

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