Hey there! It’s been a while. But I’m back.
I’ve just had a very serious conversation with myself. Yes, I am that single woman that I’ve confronted with. And no, I am not crazy. We all talk to ourselves, one way or another. Don’t be a hypocrite!
It took me a great while to realize that I have given myself a very long time of self discovery and exploration. “Me Time” was never an issue with me. And the years that I have spent alone, should have addressed all of the issues that I have had. I do admit that in this lifetime of mine, I have or had so much baggage that nobody knows about. Why would I tell people about my concerns anyway? You see, there is a psychology behind every grown human being. Well, I sure do hope that I have grown.
I’ll try to be completely honest here, though I don’t believe that I need to pour so much of myself out as well. Well, that will make me lose the mystery in my being, wouldn’t it? Yes, my life has always been an open book, but I did not allow everyone to read the pages that hold my deepest and darkest parts. I have only chosen a few souls to get a glimpse of my own, at different times in my life. I am a very independent person because I have always been attending to my own needs, most especially the emotional and mental aspects, all by myself. Financial, even. And I have grown accustomed to that. It’s a very hard habit to break. So what you see as a strong woman, was a child who has learned to protect herself all her life.
Why are you still single?
I always get this question and I am honestly getting tired of hearing it. For one thing, it is a very hard question to answer comprehensively and at the same time it is actually a very simple fact of life. I mean, I am not the only single person in the world. You know? How can I answer the question? I am not very sure. But I can somehow dissect the underlying reasons for being so.
I have had a series of failed relationships.
When I was angry, I used to put all of the blame on my exes. Forgive me, Dear Exes, it was my strong emotions talking then. Could even be the spirits that I used to consume in bars or parties. But nowadays, I would tell you that I have had my shortcomings as a girlfriend. You see, I am not used to taking care of someone else. I only know of taking care of myself. I could get self-absorbed, I guess.
I’ve been running away from all of my troubles since I was very young.
I was a very happy human being because I put all of my problems in the back burner. Putting all of my sadness aside is my kind of game. I did not give them any recognition or any thought at all. I’ve just ignored all of them and went about my gregarious and fun life. So, I am either a fight or flight person. I guess, you now get the drift.
I don’t really have any favorites.
Or if I did or do, I had or have a lot. Meaning, my favorites are usually short-lived. And varied. Deeper meaning, I get bored easily. Maybe this explains why a commitment is not something that I would easily get into. I have to make sure that I get to be with someone that I’ll never get tired with. It has happened to me once, and I had a hard time leaving the relationship which was kinda traumatic for me. I don’t mean to be mean, just stating a fact. And when I feel that the person is starting to show signs of getting tired with or of me, I also leave before they do so. Haha! Yes, all my pride is all I have! LOL!
I guess I will just stop there…
3 strikes, you’re out. 3’s a charm. The list of reasons and excuses can actually be longer but it doesn’t matter anymore. You see, I am pretty much happy and content with my life choices and decisions. I get to live and stand with the consequences anyway. It is actually other people who keeps questioning my path. When did we become a society of know-it-alls? When did we start becoming so opinionated to the point of telling people what is right and what is wrong for them. I mean, if you are talking about morals that is fine. But when you start judging and dictating how a person should react, respond, or act in life situations, it’s really uncalled for. Why? Is your life so perfect that you have the time to put your nose in other people’s business?
Talk to me once you have that so-called-perfect-life. But if you are one of those fake-happy-people, just leave me in peace. We need not talk. I am genuinely okay with being alone and not needing anyone’s permission and consent as to how I will go about the days of my life. And that includes not needing yours, Darling.
I am still in love with someone from my past that no one else comes close to. Unfortunately, the timing wasn’t right for us. And we just couldn’t be together as well. And I can’t be with this person anymore. Plus, attractions really come rare for me. There, I said it.
You might want to check my poem called Pyrophobia.